Let's Talk About Regrets

****Life Unscripted: Our stories, unfiltered. We are walking through life, sharing our stories. If at any point you become triggered by this conversation, please care for yourself.

Regret can feel like quicksand after sexual betrayal—pulling you under with shame, second-guessing, and the lie that nothing can change. We open up about the regrets that mattered most, from trusting unsafe people and waiting too long to get help to believing church clichés that sidelined boundaries and protected abuse. Then we pivot to the hard, hopeful work of turning regret into action: setting evidence-based expectations for change, practicing discomfort tolerance, and choosing community over isolation.

You’ll hear why “forgive and forget” isn’t a strategy, how “no” can be a complete sentence, and what it looks like to ask for proof of change without apologizing for your needs. We also dig into the inner mechanics of shame—how false agreements like “I am bad” build strongholds—and how to dismantle them with honesty, compassion, and consistent steps in the light. For betrayers, this means moving from vague remorse to measurable responsibility. For betrayed partners, it means radical self-compassion, reality-based acceptance, and boundaries that protect your peace.

We name the accountability gaps that sabotage recovery and make a case for groups that actually know this terrain. Real support changes outcomes: a 24/7 call list, weekly groups, and mentors who won’t collude with excuses. If you’re rebuilding after infidelity, this conversation offers practical language, faith-informed wisdom, and a gritty roadmap for healing that doesn’t sugarcoat pain or skip the work. Subscribe, share with someone who needs courage today, and leave a review with the one insight you’ll act on this week.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

Transcript

Setting The Stage: Regrets In Betrayal

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Hi, and welcome to the Hurt Meets Healer Podcast. I'm Kim Caps, your host and president of Hurt Meets Healer LLC, a business tree, business plus ministry that was created to help individuals and couples who are walking through the devastating impact of sexual addiction and infidelity. Thanks for joining me today. Hey y'all, welcome back. We are on episode nine of the Heart Meets Healer Podcast, and today we're talking about regrets. Let's talk about regrets. Oh Milan. What do you think, John?

SPEAKER_00 0:50

I've got a few. Actually, I've got more than a few.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Don't we all? So did you make a list to check it twice?

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Oh, you didn't? No list. Good grief.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Oh my goodness. I did.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

I don't have enough.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

It's not a big list.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Yeah. I didn't have enough paper.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Well, then there's some that you can uh voice out there for us, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Yeah, I've I I have a list in my in my mind, but I don't have it written. It's a scary place to be, I bet. It is, I guess. At times it's frightening.

Defining Betrayal Trauma And Its Fallout

Kim’s Core Regrets And Faith Journey

SPEAKER_01 1:34

All right. So, and we're obviously a podcast that is uh surrounded and surrounding betrayal trauma from sexual infidelity, sexual betrayal. And we're talking about in in the space of that. So we're understanding regrets in sexual betrayal recovery. Um, so just prefacing that and leading um just to clear the air. And we're just talking about our life. We are not um doctors by any means. We don't give advice, we don't tell you what to do. Um, I do encourage things, however, um, you're always free to choose to do your own, go your own way, as the song would say. And so as we talk tonight about understanding regrets, oh, there I go. I said tonight, I'm gonna get on myself later. Sexual betrayal, um, often involving infidelity, secret sexual behaviors, or breaches of trust and intimate relationships. Well, that can shatter the foundation of a partnership and lead to profound emotional trauma for both the betrayed spouse and the betrayer. And so um recovery is, oh my goodness, well, for us, very complex. Um, it is nonlinear. It involves, frequently involves navigating intense regrets and feelings of sorrow or remorse over past actions, inactions or decisions. And these regrets can stem from the betrayed partner's sense of lost time, self-worth, or the betrayer's guilt over causing harm. So, uh, drawing from psychological insights and personal accounts, regrets play a dual role. They can hinder healing. Now, I'll just say they can. They can hinder healing by fostering resentment or shame. However, when processed constructively, they can foster growth, empathy, and stronger boundaries. And so my regrets, I'll just name a few that I listed here, include the first one is waiting, just waiting so long to develop a healthy, intimate relationship with God. I was so I was taught that God's this big bed boogeyman that's just waiting to strike you if you step out of line. So I tried to tow the line, knowing that I couldn't, which then made me angry, which then I would cross the line. And it was a vicious cycle of where learning to um be loved by God. And that's still a learning process, a huge learning curve for me. And that's something I regret. I'm I'm sad I waited so long. God is an amazing, amazing Heavenly Father. And I'm just sad that I did not get to know him the way I know him now, earlier in my life. I think um I mean I always pursued him. I I I prayed, I talked to him. However, um not like I do now. It's a different, it's a different relationship these days. Um another regret I have is trusting untrustworthy people. I would say unsafe people. Um yeah, I'll just leave that there. And then um another regret I have is believing the religious talking points, which are um the forgive and forget. Uh, divorce is wrong, it's a sin. Um wives, you're supposed to submit all the time, every time, even if your husband's abusing you. Do you submit, submit? Oh, and you can change your husband, but don't control him. But change him. Talk about a confusion. Good gravy. Here's your confusion cocktail. Don't control your husband, women, but control him, if you know what I mean. Wink wink. Oh my goodness, how we got it so wrong in the church. My gracious. And then um, I regret not getting help sooner. I totally regret um, yeah, not me not getting help earlier in my life when I had some big betrayals. And then I regret staying for so long and enduring the blame. I totally regret not, um, which I think it goes to believing the religious talking points. There was so much guilt and fear put on me that I couldn't leave the marriage. It was wrong. Even though I knew something was off, even though I knew um we didn't have a marriage. This was not a marriage. It was absolutely a relationship that was not God honoring. Um, and then I regret thinking that things would get better with no evidence of provable change behavior. I didn't realize that I could require proof that someone had changed, that I could actually hold someone accountable and go, hey, you know what? I require this level of responsibility. If you want my heart, it requires a level 10 of responsibility. And right now you're showing like a 0.5. So yeah, the answer's no, and that no. Oh, there's another regret. Not understanding no is a complete sentence, and that it's okay to say no. Holy smokes, and then the last one on my list is getting married so young. Um, I wish I would have waited at least another year or two, at least two, um, and not me not getting help for um just my growing up stuff before marriage, and not requiring my uh future husband to also get help. Although I don't know if it would have helped you. Because if you would have if you treated counseling back then like you have treated it through this recovery. Uh I'm speaking to John, by the way, y'all. Uh yeah, it wouldn't have done, you would have just faked it through all that. And oh yeah, said the right things at the right time, all do all the well, God's working on me. Well, I know that's wrong, but I believe God's gonna, you know, all the platitudes and whatnot. So those are mine. You have any what you want to uh share from your side there?

Unsafe People And Harmful Church Messages

SPEAKER_00 9:16

I have a couple of overlapping ones. Um I also regret uh my relationship with God and how I knew a whole lot about God, but I really didn't intimately know God or even allow him to know me. And of course I I have that same regret with you, not allowing myself to be known. And of course, I have deep, enduring regrets of the things that I've done. I also regret not getting help way earlier in life. And there were some really hard things that happened to me in my life, and I wish I had been uh more open to the pain of that and more open to the thought of actually getting some help. And those those are the you know I I r I live with an enduring regret of how much I hurry and I'm not I'm s I struggle with that. I I'm not sure that that's ever gonna go away.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

I'm not sure. Well, I'm pretty sure I've not ever seen that regret show up in actions and words. Like I just heard you say the words, but it doesn't I uh I don't have a sense that oh wow, he's really he's really contrite. He's really humble in spirit. Yeah, I don't get that. It it seems that there's always something that I have to do for you to show up humbly, and I can't do anything for you there. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

Yeah, that's a at least a good swing at my list. And I'm I'm sad that you don't experience my regret.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

Yeah, me too. I wonder why that is.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Yeah. I wonder. Good that's a good question. Probably won't be the topic of another podcast.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

Yeah, so what do you do with your regrets?

Boundaries, Proof Of Change, And Saying No

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Yeah, I'm I that's a that's a great question because it is a struggle to have a little I'm I'm starting to have some thoughts on how how uh how those regrets honor God or how I honor God in those regrets and uh you know that's a a thought process that I've really just um begun digging into. But I you know I I hope and what I attempt is that I am using the pain of those regrets as fuel to change. And you know, certainly by your report, you're not seeing or experiencing that, but um I buried myself in the shame of those regrets for a long time. And so it was really difficult to change because that wasn't that wasn't the cycle. The cycle was shame and regret.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

And that always comes out sideways, right? Shame never shows up um helpful, helpfully.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Yeah. And you know, there's it's so that's a area that I've really started to work on shifting um my thought process and and just the way that I see regret. Um because at at some point if if I allow the regret to be the lead, if you will, um then I've turned it into an idol and it's more it's bigger than God. And so I'm I'm trying to be aware of that and not swing to that far side of the of the uh balance that the regret overwhelms me.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Gotcha. So But it needs to be investigated.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

Oh yeah. I mean, and that's where I was saying I I think the healthy approach is to understand uh and you said this on our last episode. Um I understand that I have the capacity for great harm. And I can look at the great harm, not only do I have the capacity, I have actually delivered great harm, and that is the source of my deepest regrets, and so there's that sobering reality that um those regrets exist because of the things that I did, right? And I'm still capable of, and so at the same time, I you know, I choose what I do, and uh I'm working hard to choose more often to do better and not to do things that I'm gonna regret.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Right. And that's the learning part of and the growth of it's okay to um sit in the discomfort of what we've done. It's okay to sit in uh as we're healing the past, you have to go to the past. And because ignoring it doesn't heal it.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Right.

John’s Regrets And Shame Cycles

SPEAKER_01 16:48

So you have we have to learn how to sit with discomfort instead of reacting to it. Um the discomfort of someone being unhappy with us, the uh discomfort of allowing the consequences of someone else's actions to take place, not jumping in and rescuing. Um the discomfort of having hard conversations, of uh for me, it was setting hard, tough boundaries. It was setting honest, respectful boundaries for myself because I knew it would uh piss you off, and I knew it was gonna come back to I was gonna get um blamed, hurt, uh, and and I all of that did happen. Everything that I thought was gonna happen happened. And you know what? I survived it, and I'm so glad that I held to my boundaries, and that I choose healthy boundaries of who gets to sit at my table. Because being a kind person is I will bring you food. That's kindness, however, that doesn't grant you a seat to come eat with me at my table. Did that uh I hate to say does that make sense, but there's a different I was taught, this is another grut, that um where we're Christian, we have to accept everybody. No, we don't. Jesus walked away and he watched people walk away from him, and he did not chase after them. Many times over in scripture, I read that. He didn't personally go and sup with everybody, he didn't develop deep intimate relationships, not even with the twelve. He had like two that he was very close with. Two. I mean so and you know what? People may not like me for that. I'm not rejecting them, I am taking care of me. And I know that's how because you've said this, you have you have expressed to me that that came across as rejection to you. And even when I um explained it to you that this was healthy boundaries for me, I'm Putting my safety above your feelings and what you think. Because I have to protect myself from who the person who's supposed to be my protector that has now become my perpetrator, my offender. So um, yeah, we have I mean, in order to walk this rocky road of recovery, it is imperative that we learn to sit in this with our discomfort, with the reality that um other people's happiness is not my responsibility. It's not my responsibility to make you happy. Nor can I, by the way. Right. So, and it's my responsibility to um love myself, love my neighbor as myself. I have to love myself first. How can I love someone else? The Bible says are the two greatest, right? Love God, love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. And then the second is like the first, and love your neighbor as yourself. Sorry, y'all. We got this northern thing coming in.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Yeah, and I think the that you know, that passage I think presupposes that we do that already. You know, goes on to say there nobody ever hated his own body, but he, you know, cares for it and feeds it. So we've got that figured out already. And it's just a matter of giving giving that to others.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Right. And just under for me, the understanding that I don't have to give everybody a seat at my table.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Right.

Using Regret: Fuel For Change Or Shame

SPEAKER_01 22:11

I don't have to be the all-inclusive. That's not me. That's for some resort in in Panama or Mexico or Coast, wherever you want to go to the all-inclusive. That's go there. There's a certain responsibility that's required for me. It's my my rules because it's related to me. And I'm my first line of defense. And so um, I've had to learn that. I've had to sit with the discomfort of losing what I thought were friendships. I question if they were, I mean, there's that whole, well, if they were truly your my friend, they would have stuck by me. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. People have their own hang ups, and I know who I want sitting at my table. And I want someone who can um be comfortable with their own discomfort and be comfortable with my discomfort. And I can be comfortable with their discomfort, and I can be comfortable with my discomfort and not react to it, but just the love, just the love through it. And I've I'm learning this with our kids as they come to me with their discomfort and their pain and they cry. Our daughter came to me one morning, crawled up in bed with me, and man, it was everything I could do to just not ball. And she was crying, and she's about 30-something, early 30s, pregnant, hormones flying everywhere. And um, she has a four-year-old, and our granddaughter had hurt her feelings, and she crawled up in bed with me and just snuggled in, and I held her and while she cried, and said, She hurt my feelings. Like, oh, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry that happened. And just to sit with her and let her cry and let her talk it out. I didn't have an answer. I can't change a little four-year-old. She's a turkey, you know, cute as a bug. But she's a little turkey. She's four. And she didn't like the pajamas that our daughter had got her. They were new pajamas. She's growing, she needs new bigger ones, and she threw them back at her. I didn't, didn't want to uh look at them or put them on, try them on. And so um, but to sit with her, what a gift. What a gift we give one another when we can hold space, and especially in this, that's just a little thing that happens in life, right? Our kids hurt our feelings, okay. Yeah, when it comes to this big booger of betrayal, I'm using the whole whatever it's called, where you put the same letter in front of all the words, the deep, dark, something of uh what was it? Despair. I don't remember what it was on the last episode. But this call, the big bad booger of betrayal, is hard. It's so hard because of there is um, man, our enemy throws so much shame at us. Well, you're not good enough if you're not this. Well, she's not gonna like you if you share this. How does he even know? How does he know? He doesn't know what I'm thinking, he doesn't know what you're thinking, he only knows when we speak it out loud. He is not God, he is not omniscient. So why do we believe a liar? And go right into this shame regret thing and use that to grow resentment and bitterness towards each other instead of growing, gaining empathy, setting healthy boundaries for ourselves. What the what?

Sitting With Discomfort And Setting Limits

SPEAKER_00 26:52

Right. It's you know, the and you mentioned um, you know, I I think a lot of times you mentioned how our enemy attacks. I think a lot of times we allow these things to become strongholds through agreements, and you know that statement that agreements are the foundation that strongholds are built on, and we make agreements, and that you know, and that's I think that's part of where our regrets live, and what keeps them alive are the agreements that we make, and that's what what certainly what um keeps the cycle of shame going is the agreement. The agreement that I'm bad. I mean that is the that is the core agreement of shame, right? Not that I did bad, but that I am bad. And so based on that agreement, Satan then gets permission to build a stronghold of whatever that is in our life, and those things, you know, and that's what all throughout the New Testament that we learn, you know, that we have to dismantle those strongholds, and those betrayals create the agreements that then we build into these strongholds, and it's it's crazy how the cycle continues until we just somehow in a moment of clarity, because of the Holy Spirit, we realize that oh my gosh, that's what's happening, and and we begin to really call on Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit to begin to dismantle these strongholds. And the the challenge is that they go up a whole lot easier than they come down. You know, I don't we're we're not too far from the Christmas season. We had lights put on our house, and it took them a long time to put those lights up, if you remember. About almost a full day. However, they took them down in about 45 minutes. Well, it's the exact opposite on the stronghold. The stronghold goes up way faster than what we can imagine, but it really takes effort and discipline, consistency to dismantle it because we can't do it under our own power.

SPEAKER_01 30:01

What if you were to personalize everything that you just said instead of we as a collective? What if you were to say in order for me to dismantle my strongholds, I must get curious about what's going on. I must practice compassion. Uh I must um name it and name my feelings, learn what my feelings are, and that they are just feelings, they're neutral, they don't carry weight. It's a feeling. What's going on behind that?

SPEAKER_00 30:40

They don't control me.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

Unless I allow them to.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Right. I'm yeah. So uh I'll just request that if you wouldn't mind just speaking to you and um maybe not using we in there, because that that's something I'm learning in my um journey, is I I talk about me, not we is what that's what I want to um leave with because I can't speak to anyone else's journey. I can't speak to if they have strongholds, or I can probably guess by if I met them and talked to them. But so anywho, if you wouldn't mind, just speak to speak to your experience, that would be, I think, helpful. Thank you. So regrets in the role of regrets in the recovery process. Do you think that regrets have stalled your recovery effort?

Strongholds, Agreements, And Personal Ownership

SPEAKER_00 32:04

Absolutely. Yeah, because if if if I have a season where I'm focused on my regret, I mean that's just that's just selfishness and shame. And I'm not focused on and and it's easy to, you know, there's a there's a real fine line between using the regret as fuel for recovery and using the regret as fuel for shame. It's really fine line. And it it can it can sneak up on me, um, where I can find myself being the victim all of a sudden rather than taking responsibility and going just that one little step that fuels recovery versus fueling more shame. So absolutely, I've experienced that a lot, more than I really want to say, but but but that's the reality.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

So, what do you do to flip that switch if you're if you're self-focused and you're sitting in your um pool of shame and regret? How do you how do you get out of there? Or and is it comfortable? Well, I have so many questions. Is it comfortable there? Because you stay there a lot in the past. So I I don't know if you brought in a sofa and TV and you're just comfortable in there. You got internet and got the Wi-Fi working. Uh if it's not comfortable, why do you go back there? And I'm gonna ask another questionnaire. I know there's a lot of questions. I'm the questionnaire. Um, why wouldn't you? Or what if instead of sitting in that, I think it's a cesspool myself. I think it's like going to the waste management treatment and just get in your floaty, because you can see the stuff as the water's going around, uh uh float around in that. Why would anyone do that? I had a job one time with a uh well with in my company. We got a job to go put security cameras up at a waste as a water treatment plant, and they take the wastewater and change it into uh potable water. And um it oh it was it was a hard, it was a hard-smelling job. We worked very fast to get those cameras up and oh my Lanta, it was fascinating to watch though. Why would someone just go and hang out there? Not a place that I would hey, come on, take, let's bring our friends. Hey, you know what? I'm gonna bring a floaty because I want to I want to be in that that water looks so good. No, no, there's a lot of regrets in that water, right? Yeah, no tell what's in there. We saw all sorts of stuff floating around in there. What draws you back to that? Wouldn't it be a better benefit? Wouldn't it benefit you to change the mindset of from regret to oh, what about something like compassion? What about something like serving someone else? Because then that takes your mind off of you and puts it on caring and considering another human being. I have left him speechless once again.

SPEAKER_00 36:43

It's uh yeah, it's it's it's hard to there are blind spots, there are um patterns, and sometimes, you know, I I find myself slipping into old patterns, and um and that's where it takes intentionality to recognize that and and uh get out of that spiral.

Accountability Gaps And The Need For Groups

SPEAKER_01 37:18

So you you sense yourself, I'm I'm gonna take a little side trip here for just a minute. You sense yourself slipping into old patterns. That statement scares me, I'll tell you right now. I have fear rise up in me when I hear that. Because that is what led to the secondary, third, or whatever, all the other addictions. Sure. With the original pattern, I was wronged, I'm wronged, I deserve this because Kim's mean to me. Not holy crap, what did I what did I do? My wife is not happy right now. Um I need to go sit with her and see what the heck's going on and dig into this and be responsible and be accountable. And if I did something to hurt her, oh my goodness. I'm gonna man up and say, I am so I'm sorry. How can I do this better next time? What can I put into place so that this doesn't happen again? What am I gonna do to not slip back into patterns? And who do I call when I begin to start slipping into these patterns? That goes back to last uh episode. Yeah, I fix myself. Who do you call? You don't have an accountability partner, you don't have a group, you're an island. And we have the silence where he's just staring at me, waiting. I'll let him, I'll let the well, we're at 40 minutes almost.

SPEAKER_00 39:11

So yeah, I recognize the pattern, and so um, and that's where I work to step out of the pattern because I don't I'm not going down that road again.

SPEAKER_01 39:26

How do you stop yourself? You are you can't do it alone. Where is your helping hand? Well, you are No, I am not your freaking savior. You have put that on me our entire damn marriage.

SPEAKER_00 39:43

You are my helping hand.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

No, no, I'm not. I cannot be that right now.

SPEAKER_00 39:49

And that's I mean, I have people that I can call.

SPEAKER_01 39:52

I'm the one you can I'm the one you blame. Okay. If you hadn't done this, if you hadn't raised your voice, you had a tone, Kim. Tit for tat. If you had done this, I wouldn't have done that. Who do you have to call?

SPEAKER_00 40:11

I call my brother.

SPEAKER_01 40:13

Does he always answer? Every single time you call? No. Of course not. Who's your second in line?

SPEAKER_00 40:22

I don't have a second in line.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

Exactly. Exactly. You're supposed to have three. Stare at me all you want, dude. I'm calling you out on this. Where's your group? You don't meet with guys who can lift and go, oh man, I did the same thing last week. Let me tell you. This might help you. Here's my experience, and here's what I did differently. Take it for what it's worth or not. But you don't have that. You don't have anyone speaking into you. Oh, and by the way, your brother has never done the things you have done to me. He's never been there. Where is your accountability partners of guys who have been there?

SPEAKER_00 41:18

Yeah, I don't have those.

SPEAKER_01 41:19

Right. Is that a regret?

SPEAKER_00 41:26

Yeah. Yeah, I would like to be in a group.

SPEAKER_01 41:29

What are you doing about it?

SPEAKER_00 41:30

I'm researching groups.

SPEAKER_01 41:32

Oh wow. And how long has this been going on? I regret that I've waited all this time. What are you waiting on? You're waiting on the perfect group that won't call you to account. Yeah, you are, because every group you've been in, there's been something wrong with it. The leader was this or that. They're looking down, Shrick. They're doing that. They're not they're not perfect. So I can't be a part of it. That's what I've heard. I'm telling you, man, you're gonna regret. You will regret not having a group around you. Who's there to catch you when you fall? It will not be me. Stop putting all your ducks in one basket. This doesn't even make sense. All your eggs in one basket. You've done this our entire marriage. Put the responsibility of lifting you up, of holding you up, all on me. That's not where it goes.

SPEAKER_00 42:54

Yeah, I I don't have that. I don't have that.

SPEAKER_01 42:56

You just said it. You bull hockey.

unknown 43:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 43:04

You are a help. You're not the primary help. You're not my accountability partner.

SPEAKER_01 43:10

You don't have one. Your brother is not your accountability partner. You need an accountability partner, it's 24-7. You can call them at any time, day or night. And he's there. He will stop and go, Oh, this is important. I'm gonna take this call, hold this meeting. Y'all continue. I may be five minutes, I may be 15 minutes. That is an accountability partner. Who is that for you?

SPEAKER_00 43:44

I don't have one of those.

Self-Compassion, Acceptance, And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 43:48

And this is why I believe you are where you are. Doggy paddling all alone out in a sea. A sea of poo that you created yourself. And you know where I am? I'm in the boat with my group. Because you are not my responsibility. Why has that not changed in a year when I've asked you repeatedly to find a group? You need a group. Yeah. No answers. That's what I get, y'all. Silence. And here we are for season two.

SPEAKER_00 44:53

I will be in a group by our next episode.

SPEAKER_01 44:56

Oh Lord have mercy.

SPEAKER_00 44:57

And we can talk about it then.

SPEAKER_01 44:59

Right. Sure. Just like 12 years later, you did policies halfway for your freaking office. 12 years. Yeah. All right. Well, you heard it here. Next episode. I uh absolutely doubt that. So, and you know what? Here's what's I'm not I'm not afraid of saying, oh wow, I was wrong. I absolutely doubt he will be in a group. There's nothing, there's no group out there worthy of you, John. You're just too great for everybody else. You know all, you've read all the books, you see all, you're not flawed, you're you're too good for any group that's out there. They're way worse than you are.

SPEAKER_00 45:49

Well, hopefully they'll take me anywhere.

SPEAKER_01 45:51

You need a, yeah. Well, you know what? They might what I want to say, I cannot say in this public forum. So I'm gonna just close this out right now and give y'all um, well, some of I hope we've given you something to think about. Um I really hope that regrets aren't dragging you down. Um, ladies, uh, for the betrayed spouses, self-compassion is a must. Um learning to care for yourself well, treat yourself as your own best friend. And one of the things that um I regretted for a long time was keeping the blinders on and not viewing life uh realistically and truthfully and honestly, and so accepting that our uh wayward spouses are who they are, where they are, um yeah, it's a hard process to work through, but it is doable, it is doable, and I will tell you this they won't like that. They will they absolutely will not like when you come to the full understanding and acceptance of wow, this is who this person chooses to be, and then you choose for yourself what you do with that. Um, my experience has been that uh my spouse doesn't like that, and I don't know why I'll just ask, I won't ask you, I'm just gonna say this. I don't know why you, John, won't dislike your behavior more than my acceptance of that's how you're showing up. I wish, I wish, I really wish you would live up to the person you really think you are. That would be nice. I wish you would actually be the person that you think you are. That would be helpful.

SPEAKER_00 48:29

Well, it's a good challenge.

Resources, Groups, And Closing Encouragement

SPEAKER_01 48:32

Yeah. You betcha. So y'all this went sideways fast. I guess not fast, 48 minutes. Um I know on the betrayed side it is hard. This is a tough journey. And um take your time. Take your time. Time does not uh erase regrets. Healing, intentional healing, can help um release the hold that regrets have on us, which will then um help us grow resilience. And so that's what I hope for y'all out there is that you will uh work on your healing journey, that you'll be intentional about it, and that will foster resilience in you. I absolutely believe in groups. I believe we cannot heal alone. Um, no drowning person drowned because other people were pulling them out of the water. They had already drowned. So um, yeah, if they had friends around them, they'd have come on out, maybe. I don't know, maybe that's not a good analogy to put out there. But um when you have friends around you, they'll pull you out of the muck if they're really uh good people and you've um chosen wisely, so don't walk this journey alone. We have we totally believe in um living truth.org, in um the lay's over at bravehearts.org. They have a lot to offer both groups. You can go to our website at hurtmeetshealer.com and get their information. We link right to them. And if you can't find them there, just shoot us an email, info at hurtmeetshealer.com, and we'll get you their information. Join a group. It is life changing. I speak from experience on that. So um I think that's all for tonight. Any other words, John?

SPEAKER_00 51:00

No, just um regrets. Lots of them.

SPEAKER_01 51:06

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 51:07

Let's talk about regrets, and they're hard to work through.

SPEAKER_01 51:11

Yep, for sure, for sure. Don't let them hold you down, though, guys and gals. Intentional healing, intentional healing will uh lighten the hold that they'll have on you. So thanks for joining us today. Boy, I hope you can pick a nugget out of here somewhere and stay with us. Next episode is the bucket of suck. Boy, that's gonna be interesting. And until then, God bless. Thank you for taking the time to listen today. Remember, you are more than what happened to you. We'd be honored to come alongside and guide you on your healing journey. Connect with us at www.hurtmeetshealer.com. Until next time. God bless.