The Gift of Grief: From Lament to Hope

Grief has a way of exposing what we usually try to hide: the unanswered questions, the anger, the tears that show up at the worst time, and the ache that doesn’t tie up neatly. Today we sit with the idea of “grief as a gift” and wrestle honestly with how that can even be true when you’re facing the death of a parent, a complicated marriage, or the lasting impact of betrayal and infidelity. If you’ve ever felt pressure to stay positive so others feel comfortable, consider this your permission slip to stop pretending. 

We walk through what biblical lament actually is: an intentional, faith-filled cry of sorrow and protest directed at God. We look at the Psalms as a map for real life, including the raw language of Psalm 88 and the desperate honesty of “How long, O Lord?” Lament isn’t just venting, and it isn’t spiritual failure. It’s grief that refuses to stay silent before God, a way to name what hurts while still bringing it to the only One strong enough to carry it. 

Then we turn toward hope that doesn’t minimize pain. 1 Thessalonians reminds us the call isn’t to avoid grief, but to grieve with hope. That hope isn’t wishful thinking; it’s anchored in the resurrection of Jesus, which means loss, betrayal, and heartbreak don’t get the final word. We close with practical ways to live this out day to day: being honest with God, choosing safe people, praying a psalm, allowing yourself to cry, and making space to comfort others without forcing quick fixes. If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s hurting, and leave a review so more people can find support when grief hits.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2026, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

Transcript

Welcome And Why This Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Hi, and welcome to the Hurt Meet Taylor Podcast. I'm Kim Caps, your host and president of Hurt Meet Taylor LLC, a business tree, business plus ministry that was created to help individuals and couples walking through the devastating impact of sexual addiction and infidelity. Thanks for joining me today. Hey y'all, welcome back. Welcome back.

Grief As A Gift

SPEAKER_00 0:37

I am going to continue on with this topic of grief as a gift, the gift of grief. And I want to just sit in this for a little bit. The tension, the thought of how in the world can grief be a gift. And last time I I uh revealed that my mom had passed away. And not only that, I still live with um a tumultuous marriage. And so, and I grieve that as well. And I I talked about how grief can draw us closer to God in our deepest sorrow. I believe and hope that God will turn that into something good, something that I can learn to be, do, say, help others.

What Biblical Lament Really Is

SPEAKER_00 1:47

And so I'm going to look and talk about today um learning to lament and learning to grieve with hope. That's tough. That is tough for me. Um, I know how to lament. It's lament if if we're looking scripturally at it, is an honest, faith-filled cry of sorrow, of pain, or protest directed at God. I can absolutely do that. No uh no holes barred there. And it's not necessarily just complaining or um despair. It's it's a deliberate act. Now I do a lot of complaining to God. I'll I'll admit it. I confess, but lament is it's a deliberate act, it's it's um on purpose, bringing the full weight of our grief, of our confusion, of our anger, our loss into God's presence, naming what hurts, asking the hard questions, and still trusting that he is the one capital O in E, who hears us. And there's some, I'm learning this as I go, there's some characteristics of biblical laments. First, it's directed to God. The psalmist didn't just blow off steam, they didn't just vent into the air. They speak to God, they speak to the Lord. Oh Lord, how long? How long? Will you wait? Why do you turn your face from me? And number two, it's honest. Doesn't pretend that everything is fine. It includes raw emotion, those things that God gave us, emotions, imagine that. Includes the unanswered questions. Why now? You know, what the what? I ask that a lot. And even um, they even accuse God of being silent or absent. And number three, it's an act of faith. The very just the fact that the sufferer, be it David, be it uh the other writers in Psalms, continues to pray shows that they still believe God is real, he's present, and he's capable of responding. And then number four, it most of the time, it often moves us towards trust, not necessarily neatly or immediately. Uh, if you have read through the Psalms, many of the Psalms end in praise or quiet confidence. There are a few, like I'll read a little bit of this one, Psalm 88, that remain in darkness while still talking to God. There's not a nice little, you know, tied up in a bow. And and so I I've summed lament up as this lament is grief that refuses to stay silent before God. Lament is grief that refuses to stay silent before God. It's the language scripture gives us when praise feels impossible and when silence feels unbearable.

When People Are Not Safe

SPEAKER_00 6:05

And you know, there's some people that just aren't safe to share with. Some people around me can't handle grief, my pain very well. And so I uh choose to find safe people who can and do handle it with grace and with care. Now, I don't know about you, but I grew up being taught that uh strong faith, if you have strong faith, you're always positive, you're always happy, you're this, you're that, not sadness. You can't be sad, you can't um, you can't cry, can't have big feelings. Um however, I've since learned that um I can bring God my darker emotions, not just my gratitude or my request, or even these mild, you know, what someone some would consider mild concerns, but I can I can go to God in my honesty and and just my rawness and bear it all. I mean, he sees it all anyways. So um, yeah, I'm learning this as I go. I have never gone through the loss of a parent. This is a first. I had never gone through the loss of a marriage. That was a first. And I'm I'm learning that I I used to say um about betrayal that you know it'd been better if my husband had died. Uh, you know what? Uh I'm gonna stop saying that because I don't know that. Going through, and this is my mom, this is not my husband, going through this, and as the executor of the estate and having to deal with all this stuff and everything, I don't know that it would have been easier. This is not easy, it's not easy untangling the web, it's not easy um having unanswered questions. I have a lot of unanswered questions. I'm trying to find answers and passwords and uh account numbers and this and that, and oh my goodness. It's all hard, y'all. It is all hard. It's not easy if they die, it's not easy if they stay alive. It's it's not easy. The hope that we can have, however, is we can go to God with all of that hurt, with all of that confusion, with our sadness. And I'm really trying to uh hold it together with our pain, and we have the authority of the living God that he hears. I really like that the Bible doesn't teach that we have to just be happy all the time. That we can go how long, oh Lord? That we don't have to feel guilty for having feelings and emotions that He gave us. We can feel those. We can be raw and honest. I love that one, you know, about a third of the Psalms are are

Loss After Death And Betrayal

SPEAKER_00 10:25

laments. They're honest, sometimes even shocking in their intensity. I read part of Psalm 88, where David says, I've been sick and close to death since my youth. I stand helpless and desperate before your terrors. Your fierce anger has overwhelmed me. Your terrors have paralyzed me. They swirl around me like floodwaters all day long. They have engulfed me completely. You've taken away my companions and loved ones. Darkness is my closest friend. Wow. Overwhelmed, paralyzed, swirl, engulfed, taken away darkness. Oh my goodness, those big words. He's not he's not being gentle and safe. He's telling God what's going on. He's pouring out his heart. He's opening the ache that he has. I love that in Psalm 13, David starts with, How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? He doesn't start with a praise. He starts with the pain, with the ache in his heart. And only after pouring out that complaint does he turn to trust. And he continues on by saying, I've trusted in your steadfast love. My heart shall rejoice in your salvation. Even Jesus quoted the psalm from the cross. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Psalm 22 moves from abandonment to praise, but it doesn't skip the darkness. And I think that's what if I could normalize anything for me, for us today, would be that it's okay. It's okay. Lamenting, that's not the opposite of faith. It's faith without a mask on, it's faith refusing to pretend. It's bringing the full weight of our sorrow into the presence of the only one who can carry it. And think about this. When we lament to God, we're treating God as real enough. We're believing and trusting that He hears our hardest words. And that's okay. That is He created us to do that. I'm so tired of people saying, get over it. Oh, okay, give me ABC. How do I do that? How do I do that? I'm not gonna forget my mom. I'm I I don't have the ability to forget what my husband has done. I cannot hold it over his head. And I work very hard to not do that. When it shows up on a daily basis, every other day, I don't think that's holding it over his head. I think calling a person to account is way different than um not forgetting.

Psalms That Tell The Truth

SPEAKER_00 14:36

So as we hurt in our in our losses, betrayal is a loss. A lot of losses. Losing a loved one is a loss. We can do some things. Um like lament, address God directly, name it. Name what's hurting, and then ask. Ask boldly. He hears. And then if if you can, if I can, turn towards trust. Trust in God that He's faithful. Even if it's even if it feels small. You don't have to force that. God is very patient. He's a good, good God. He doesn't sit there and go, oh, he's not all judgy. Your prayer isn't uh up to snuff. We don't have to be all polished. He's near to us in our brokenness, in our honesty. Lamenting is essential through the grieving process. However, it doesn't have the final word. Because God gives us hope. I want to just read something out of First Thessalonians. Let me see if I can say this ten times fast. First Thessalonians 4, 13 and 14, where Paul says, we do not want you to grieve or to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep. That you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. Let me start this one over. But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so through Jesus, God will bring him with him those who have fallen asleep. And this is talking about people who've died. But I think we might apply it to other situations in our lives. I want to notice what Paul doesn't say. He doesn't say do not grieve. He says, don't grieve as those who have no hope. Grief ought to be assumed. The difference is hope. And our hope as Christians is not some wishful thinking. It's anchored in a historical event. Jesus died, and Jesus rose again.

Grieving With Real Hope

SPEAKER_00 17:49

And because he rose again, death doesn't get the last word over those who belong to him. That's powerful. And neither does betrayal, hurt any other loss that we may have. It doesn't get the final word. Because Jesus is alive and he rules and reigns with God. And we have the solid word of God to give us something strong to hold on to when the waves of grief keep hitting us. Jesus knows what sorrow is. He knows what our pain is. He experienced every bit of it. So how can I roll that into my day-to-day life?

How To Practice Hope Daily

SPEAKER_00 19:03

And I think the first thing is just live honestly. Be honest with God, be honest with those around you. If people aren't safe, my uh experience has been, in my knowledge, and gaining wisdom, is to just not say anything in front of them. A lot of times people will react out of their own pain or out of their ignorance or out of a lot of out of fear. They don't want to feel bad. So you don't feel bad in front of them, otherwise, they're gonna feel bad and they don't want that. And it's this vicious circle, instead of just sitting with someone in pain, just being there. You don't have to say anything. Yet some people can't help but say stuff that does not help. Be honest with God, lament honestly. I'm not gonna rush myself past the pain. I encourage you to not rush yourself or others past the pain. It takes as long as it takes. And that's okay. Bring your questions and tears to God. He is our hope. Hope doesn't cancel the grief. Hope holds the grief. And it keeps the grief from becoming the whole story. So some things that I incorporate, have begun to incorporate is praying a psalm in the morning. Allowing myself to cry. And reminding my heart that this is not the end. This is not the end. With my mom, I know she's in heaven with Jesus. With my marriage, my life and my future, I'm not going to base my life and future on the feelings and emotions and actions of my husband. I can still walk forward in hope, in spite of what my husband, what anybody else does in my life, I say this is not the end. And then when I go to comfort someone else, allowing room for their tears. Don't have to say anything. And I've I've gotten the opportunity. To do that with my kids. With my nieces and nephews. With my brother and sister. And even with my husband. What a gift. What a gift to give someone. To just be there with them. You don't have to have the right words. You don't have to have any words. Being there says it all. Grief will still come in waves. It's gonna hit me when I least expect it. Like driving down the road today. Boy, not the time to bust out in a a uh wall of tears. Um, you know, some days it feels more natural than others. Other days, hope hope wins. Hope is on top. But both are gifts because they both belong to Jesus. He's our hope. He's the reason we can lament. Let's close in prayer.

Prayer And Closing Encouragement

SPEAKER_00 23:55

Father, thank you. Thank you that you invite us to bring to you our hardest words. Thank you for the psalms that teach us how to lament without fear. And thank you even more for the resurrection of your son, which means we do not grieve as those who have no hope. Doesn't mean we don't cry. We can cry with hope. God, for every person listening who carries the weight of loss, loss of a marriage, loss of a relationship, loss of a loved one. Will you meet them in both the crying out and the looking forward? Give them courage, God, to be honest with you. And give them steadying hope of the empty tomb and the day when you will make all things right. And until that day, God, hold us fast. Thank you so much for Jesus, who is our hope and stay. It's in his name that I pray. Amen. Thanks for listening, y'all. I will probably do one more just to get us over the hurdle, kind of wrap up this grief as a gift. Uh I don't know, trilogy maybe, or quadrupele. That's not a word. I know. There may be a couple more episodes because this is on grief. Let me finish my thought. I think it's important. It's important for me. And so I just appreciate you listening. I hope that it will help you in some little way. I just want to validate that if you're going through grief, you're absolutely normal. There is nothing wrong with you. I want to talk a little bit next time about how to become a safe place for others who are grieving and how the comfort that we receive is meant to flow through us. And until then, may the God of all comfort hold you close as you learn both to lament and to hope. God bless. Thank you for taking the time to listen today. Remember, you are more than what happened to you. We'd be honored to come alongside and guide you on your healing journey. Connect with us at www.hurtmeetshealer.com. Until next time. God bless you.